By Victoria Torley
There comes a time in the life of every
gardener when:
Your clothes are too dirty to put directly
into the washing machine. There are a couple
of choices. You can get into the shower with
your clothes on and remove them slowly as
the soil goes back to where it should be or
you can remove them in the tub (I should be
so lucky) fill the tub with water, and stomp
them like grapes.
You are so dirty that you have to run the
hose over yourself (and your clothes) until
your spouse will allow you in the house. Go
directly to the bathroom, do not pass “Go,”
and do not collect any more dirt.
You realize that your spouse was right when
he/she called you in. You ache all over, you
need aspirin (maybe codeine would be
better), a hot bath, and a massage. Maybe a
heating pad would help. Or some ice packs.
You begin to listen to your dog when he
whines that something is dangerous. Dogs do
have a special way of knowing. Mine barks at
me.
You realize you really do have enough
flowers (suggested by Metric Man who should
know better). Okay, gardeners never believe
this, it is usually just a momentary
response when your significant other
suggests, “Honey, don’t you have enough
flowers?” The truth is you never really have
enough flowers no matter what your spouse
says. There is always room for something
new. Really. I have 1,200 orchids so I
should know.
Despite all your good intentions, bug spray
and sunscreen, you come home covered
with itchy bites and red as a beet. Maybe
you should have checked the labels that
said, “Renew every 4 hours.”
Your
neighbor drops in while you are gardening
and wrinkles his nose at you from 2 meters
away. After all, you have been mixing cow
manure with the compost. Maybe he has a
point.
Your garden help says he needs help. Things
have gotten way too big for just one
part-time worker. Maybe just pull some stuff
out and plant some trees. Less work that
way.
Your spouse wants to go out to dinner but
you are way too tired for that. Come to
think of it, you haven’t been out to dinner
in 8 or 9 months. Hmmm. Where did the time
go?
Finally, you consider (however briefly)
chucking the whole thing and moving to a
condo. Nah, you are way too young for that.
Plant for the week. This is an unusual
one, the night-blooming Hylocereus
undatus an amazing cactus that
produces the dragon fruit. This cactus is on
a tall stump in full sun and seems to love
its position. Forget what you have heard
about cactus needing a dry climate, this one
gets a ton of rain.
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Find more amazing stories about
gardening in Costa Rica on the AM Costa Rica Garden
page. Questions on this article, Ms. Victoria
Torley, gardener columnist, can be
reached by emailing victoriatorley1@gmail.com
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