Officials of the Instituto Costarricense de Electricidad have given free cellular telephones to members of the board of directors and to nearly 2,000 employees, Movimiento Libertario said Thursday.

The political party estimated that the cost to Costa Ricans each month for the free phones comes to about 12 million colons or nearly $30,000.

In a statement from the Asamblea Nacional, the Libertario deputies said they had to bring an action before the Sala IV constitutional court to get the institute to provide the information. The deputies criticized the telecommunications monopoly known as ICE for not fully complying with the ensuing judicial order.

The lawmakers said that the Consejo Directivo of the institute has 135 cellular lines in its names. That’s 19 cellular lines for each of the seven directors, the political party’s release said. Directors, of course, are suppose to keep an eye on the finances and the operation of the giant monopoly.

The billing for the money of June showed that the type of telephone provided to employees ranged from one where the service and the first 60 minutes of use per month were free to a full service where the institute covered all costs including international calls, said the deputies.

The revelations about the telecommunications monopoly comes on the heels of similar revelations about the water company and the giant social services agency, the Caja. The Instituto Costarricense de Acueductos y Alcantrarillados S.A. has been paying half of its employees water bills, according to a report by La Nación, the Spanish-language daily. And the Caja Costarricense de Seguro Social has been deducting only half of each of its employees

The Libertario deputies said in their release Thursday that ICE did not report the value of the cellular telephones held by their employees as income for purposes of payments to the Caja. Instead, ICE deducted the costs as operational costs.

The Caja provides a multitude of social services, including free medical, to Costa Ricans based on the income it gets from payroll deductions.

Bell Telephone Co. in the United States used to provide free telephone service to executives, but that is a private company owned by stockholders, not a public company like ICE.

ICE workers went out on strike earlier this year to support the institute’s demand for a $60 million international bond issue to pay for certain projects and a $30 million increase in service rates.

In another development Thursday in which a deputy questions public expenditures, Martha Zamora Castillo of the Partido Acción Ciudadana wanted to know about the cost of a newspaper supplement.

She directed a letter to Javier Chavez Bolaños, minister of Obras Públicas y Transporte, and wanted to know the cost and who paid for the supplement carried by La Nación Aug. 10. The supplement was a favorable account of activities of the Consejo Nacional de Vialidad (CONAVI), the road building agency in Chavez’ ministry. The deputy also wanted to know who sponsored the publication that was distributed with the Sunday newspaper.

If the ministry did not pay for the publication, she said, were promises made to those who did?

In the distance, on the western horizon, there is a layer of smog. When I moved into this apartment about seven years ago there was no smog. But seven years ago there weren’t so many cars. I used to walk past little houses with garages or carports (every house has one or the other) that had been turned into an extra room or a patio. 

Now, these garages and carports have cars in them — sometimes two, although I can’t figure out how they can fit two cars into some of the spaces they manage to. It makes me wonder how much cars are contributing to the warming of the world and when it will be felt here? I know they are contributing to the noise pollution in Costa Rica. 

In New York, a distraught resident who was threatened by a driver after he made some impolite comments about the driver’s horn honking, decided to take a less aggressive way to relieve his tension. He began writing "honkus." A honku, of course is based on the charming Japanese poetry style, the haiku, but the 17 syllables are devoted to drivers who honk their horns. This disgruntled recipient of noise began pasting them around New York.

Sunday, I was riding the Sabana Cementerio bus which goes across town. There is little traffic in the city on Sundays, but I soon noticed that my driver had honked his horn twice in the matter of two blocks. He honked at each traffic light when the car in front had not jumped ahead as soon as the light changed. 

Instead of letting my annoyance get the best 

Living in Costa Rica . . .Where the living is good By Jo Stuart jostuart@racsa.co.cr

of me, I decided to make up a honku and meanwhile just count the times he honked on the way to our destination. He honked at lights, at pedestrians who had to run for their lives and even at other buses just to wave at the drivers. The man seemed to have one hand permanently pushing his horn while he drove with the other. 

We passengers looked at each other and rolled our eyes, but of course, said nothing. By the time we reached the Sabana area, my driver had honked twelve times and I was wondering if he was going to give me a baker’s dozen. At this corner we hit a traffic jam because a street had been closed. In his frustration, he honked five more times trying to get cars that had no power to do anything, to move. When I got off the bus I realized that my driver/poet had honked his own haiku, and thus saved me the trouble of coming up with one.

Meanwhile it seems I spoke too soon about the improvement in the litter problem in Costa Rica. Two readers informed me that the beach at Jacó is still a littered mess, as is one of the roads from Nicaragua. 

I did, however, hear some good news about water purification. Potters for Peace is sponsoring a program that is both educational and healthy. They are promoting ceramic water filters that remove 99.88 percent of the contamination in water. Local potters can be taught how to make these filters to be used here (and sold to the rest of the world!) You can get more information about this happy invention by going to the Website.

As usual, in life, there is bad news and good news. 

Well, today is the last day that we publish stories in our humor contest.

Perhaps conditions and situations in Costa Rica are so naturally funny that a humor contest is not necessary. We had less than 20 offerings, including those we publish today.

Our judges, if we can get them sober, will make some kind of determination on what were the best stories. The winners will have their names inscribed at Casa Presidencial. We figure on the men’s room wall and hope we are not caught.

Of course, one problem is that hardly anyone wanted their real names used. So if you go by the men’s room at Casa Presidencial and see in big, bold letters ANONYMOUS, that’s our winner.

Although we published a handful of humorous stories on the Villalobos Brothers situation, we think that there are many other circumstances in 

The government treatment of street kids and underage prostitutes got some attention. Satire is not very valuable unless it stings a bit. And we are afraid that some stories just were not that funny. So we did not publish them. Sorry.

We also got hardly any feedback on the funny stories. One reader was outraged by one story and sent us a message wondering when we were going to publish his letter of outrage. But we hadn’t seen it. Which reminds us that Radiográfica Costarricense S.A. is kind of a continuing joke.

Several people sent us material that we did not publish because we were not sure the items were original. Another sent us an elegant report on birdwatching in the mountains. But it was not fiction. We will publish it shortly.

So for all those who submitted material, a big thanks.

In a shocking revelation, researchers have stumbled across what is possibly this century's most startling scientific discovery in the least likely of places — at traffic lights throughout San Jose, Costa Rica. 

Tourist Dr. Hans Weissonborn, a noted physicist, made the discovery while traveling in this country's capital. "I observed a phenomenon that was initially inexplicable," say Weissonborn. 

"While stopped at red lights, I noticed that the instant they turned green someone behind my vehicle would honk their horn." 

Being the scientist he is, Weissonborn set out to measure the time between the light turning green and the horn of fellow motorists. It turns out it is the shortest unit of time ever measured. 

"Taking into account the speed of light and the speed of sound, it would appear that some Tico motorists have the ability to perceive events before they happen. It's an uncanny quirk of nature that's readily observed at major intersections throughout the city." 

When presented with these findings, some scientists scoffed at the analysis and chalked up the observation to "impatient drivers." However, researchers who further studied the behavior of the Ticos noted peculiar anomalies that could not be easily explained. 

"On one hand you have these 'impatient' drivers with split millisecond reaction times, and then you see them lining up at the bank for hours. The irony of these events forces you to look beyond the explanation of them being impatient drivers," say Todd Underling, junior researcher for Dr. Weissonborn. 

"We discovered that Ticos have the ability to manipulate their own space-time continuum based on their surroundings. That means to a Tico lined 

Still, skeptics argue that the irony is easily explained by less radical theories. Dr. Sho Me, a Korean anthropologist offers the following explanation. 

"We initially heard of Weissonborn's findings and were intrigued. We set out to study it in detail and look at it from a cultural point of view." 

"The sound of the horn at the same time the light changes is simply a result of many Tico drivers using their horn not as a device to move along traffic, but more as a musical instrument. At any particular moment in time, in any given area, you will hear a motorist's horn in San Jose. Weissonborn's findings are based on a coincidence, not a causal relationship." 

He goes on to say, "When we examined the reasons behind lining up for long hours at the bank, we quickly discovered the driving force.  Costa Rica is notorious for offering over 3 percent interest per month. Given that scenario, you'd find me in those bank line ups, too!" 

Weissonborn concedes his theory is difficult for most people to accept as it changes the way the world looks at Costa Rica but is determined to forge ahead. "I’m currently examining the acceleration of time within the continuum at the Hotel Del Rey, as I have personally experienced this phenomenon. 

"On one occasion Kattia from Columbia says I owe her $65 USD per hour, but according to my watch only 30 minutes have passed, and she demands payment. This certainly demands further investigation." 

*Jay Canuck is a pen name of someone who obviously did not sleep through physics lectures.

Enrique Villalobos returned to Costa Rica and was asked to appear before a judge.

Judge: Welcome back to Costa Rica.

Enrique: Thank you.  It's good to be back.

J: There are some questions I need to ask you. First of all, the investors aren't clear on how you made your money.

E: Very simple. The Cubans were paying 4 percent. They tried to put me out of business. So I figured if you can't fight 'em, you join 'em. I loaned the money to them at 4 percent and paid my investors 3 percent. And I didn't have to work! That left 1 percent profits for me.

J: So why didn't you pay taxes on your profits?

E: Elementary, my dear Judge. I did so much traveling that I didn't have any profit left — business expense, you know.

J: Did you leave Costa Rica?

E: Yes, but I first took one of my helicopters and flew to Cocos Island. I thought: Dig that island! I figured with all the pirates around here on the loose, I might bury what's left of my treasure there. What's good enough for Morgan the Pirate is good enough for me.

J: Did you bury it there?

E: No, the ground was too hard and rocky. I'm not in shape to dig. I couldn't even swim or do my laundering because the place was surrounded by sharks. But I hear that the shark fin fishermen are now taking care of that problem.

J: What then?

E: I couldn't go to Canada. I considered going to the U. S. They told me Bush got by with a stretcher about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Maybe they would be persuaded that I don't have mass wealth in Costa Rica. But I was afraid I would get amBUSHed. So I went next door to Nicaragua. I was wanted by the Interpol, but I figured if past presidents could evade the police, so could I.

J: But you didn't stay there.

E: Ah, it looks like your "Costa Rican CIA" is working pretty well. The economy was down, and things got hot for the ex-president. So I left for 
Taiwan. They're friendly to Costa Rica and even 

J: What happened there?

E: Too hot. I was sweating in the miserable heat. At same time Pacheco was sweating in the "hot seat" in regard to campaign donations. The economy was down. So was the president's rating. So he and the Central Bank director huddled. Things had been pretty good before I got busted. They unfroze my accounts and persuaded the U.S. to do the same in exchange for letting the FBI operate their training camps here. They dropped the charges. As more and more business is being done in dollars, I decided to return. So now I repaid my investors and the economy has picked up. And so has Pacheco's rating. But now I'm sitting in your "hot seat."

J: I see that you didn't report some of your bank accounts.

E: That's true. With 200 bank accounts, it's easy to forget a few.

J: Do you have any Swiss bank accounts?

E: I leave those small details to my office staff. You'll have to check with them.

J: Did you make any campaign donations?

E: Yes, a few small ones — I think it was $5 million each. Something like that. See my office manager for details.

J: Did you ever change money for Al Qaeda?

E: Al who? I don't know any Al in Costa Rica.

J: Bin Laden's bunch.

E: Money changing is Osvaldo's department.

J: Did you loan money to Bin Laden?

E: Yes, I loaned money to Osama's Laundry Service. Also to the Ben Laden Bakery. They handle a lot of dough, and needed money. Then there's also Osama's Lettuce and Cabbage Farm. Oh yes, there's one more — Bin Laden's Drug Store. The Caja was very short on medicines, and the drug store chain really prospered. He needed money to expand, so I made him a loan.

J: Thank you. That's it. You're finished here.

*Obviously a pen name because no one would name their kid "A Happy"

Costa Rica has some kilometer markers along some roads, and a problem developed with them. Both taxi drivers and clients started complaining to MOPT, the road department, that either the taxis overcharged them or the markers were off.

Taxis registered 15 kilometers in a 10-kilometer stretch. Some taxis even registered double, but they didn't complain, since the officials might check their meters and fine them. The road department was asked to check out the marker spacing, but they always said they don't have any money.

Finally after five years of complaints, they asked congress for extra money to check out things and correct the markers. After another four years and an election, the money was finally approved.

So before changing the markers, they decided to make a second test run to be sure. The next driver was a woman. She drove the test car, and things jibed exactly.

It seems that whereas the first driver had carefully swerved from side to side to miss the holes in the road, the woman had attended a late night party where the beer flowed freely, and she was still feeling some of the effects. So instead of swerving to miss the holes, she bumped straight thru them, chalking up less distance.

Costa Rica is the only country where sober drivers zig-zag, and drunk drivers go straight.